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Men, women can be friends, but should they?
Its long been established that men and women can be friends. But a new study suggests the more compelling question is: Should they? Researchers from the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire plumbed the opposite-sex relationships of more than 400 adults, ranging in age from 18 to 52, and found attraction was both common and potentially costly.Photograph by: Handout
, .
BALANCING ACT: BLENDING LIFE, WORK, AND RELATIONSHIPS®
Balancing Act #153: May, 2012
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BALANCING ACT: BLENDING LIFE, WORK, AND RELATIONSHIPS®
A free monthly newsletter about balancing life, work, and relationships based on the books and popular workshops conducted by Alan Weiss, PhD Past copies are archived on our web site: http://www.summitconsulting.com
Copyright 2012 Alan Weiss. All rights reserved.
ISSN 1934-3116
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Balancing Act® is our registered trademark. You are encouraged to share the contents with others with appropriate attribution. Please use the ® whenever the phrase Balancing Act is used in connection with this newsletter or our workshops..
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Balancing act is in four sections this month:
1. Techniques for balance
2. Musings
3. The human condition: TIAABB
4. ORTIYKMWOYBNT-O Department
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Monthly, fast advice on consulting techniques with case studies.
1. Techniques for Balance
o If you find yourself immediately resisting an idea or approach or a person, youre angry about something. Find out what the cause is.
o If you want to be likeable, then like others more. Make your disposition positive and accepting, not aloof and resistant.
o What is your self-regard? For example, employees at Ritz-Carlton Hotels refer to themselves as ladies and gentlemen (serving ladies and gentlemen).
o Im always encouraged by the people in veterinary operations (technicians, assistants, reception) who clearly love animals. Are you demonstrating that you clearly love what you do?
o Have a nice day is too often stated with an attitude that says, Now get out of my way.
o I think the focus on superheroes in entertainment is partially fueled by our own feelings of helplessness and frustration, and the fantasy of striking back with special powers. But maybe we can be superheroes if we develop the skills, behaviors, and self-esteem to represent ourselves powerfully and well.
o Carry a portable power source in your briefcase or pocketbook, and chargers in your car. Otherwise, I can guarantee your phone will run out of juice precisely when you will need it the most.
o You dont believe in first impressions? I can tell you what kind of service Im going to receive by the way the flight attendant greets me when I board the plane, and I can tell the type of business meeting its going to be by the other persons handshake. What first impression are you providing to reliably indicate your value and worth?
o When people often cancel on you, especially at the last moment, it might just be because youre enabling that behavior by never protesting it. Hence, you become the easiest person to forestall when priorities conflict.
o Ive had it with ridiculous contrivances such as Were child free (instead of childless, deemed not politically correct). What does that make me, child burdened? If youre not comfortable living in your own skin, using euphemisms and camouflaging language isnt going to help.
2. Musings
So many people ask me, How can you do so much? You are extremely well organized.
Maybe the question should be, Why arent I doing more? Whats stopping me from being more productive and efficient?
We create self-fulfilling prophecies about or own work regimen and expectations. We believe writing is difficult and time consuming; we believe that we should be immediately responsive to email, phone, and personal interruptions; we readily acknowledge ambiguous traps such as overwhelm or writers block.
We clog up the arteries of our work day by submitting to false assumptions, others demands, and our own negative illusions. We need to say that I can write this in 30 minutes, no interruptions until Im done, and whatever I have to say will be helpful.
In order to do this, we have to embrace a certain philosophy about ourselves and our abilities:
o There is no law or mandate requiring we rewrite, edit, and censor ourselves. Despite what may have been drummed into you, the improvements of constant rewrites dont justify the effort to create them. Your audience wont know the difference.
o Write the way you speak. I never hear of speakers block. Dont try to create literature for the ages. Simply write as if having a conversation.
o Success will always trump perfection. The persistent seeking of perfection is the equivalent of the gerbil on the wheel: Youll run hard without making any forward movement until you die.
Highly productive people are confident that what they produce will help, even if not perfect, justified, or certified. Have you ever heard the person in the meeting who must justify every point with three references, an example from a client, and the words of an ancient Greek philosopher? Thats because that person doesnt feel acceptance can be based merely on insight and analysis, but must be anointed by a respected third-party source.
All that does is waste everyones time. Were all capable of determining whether someone has good advice for us or not.
I get a lot done because I spend zero time considering why I cant get things done and spend no time concerned about whether others will find me credible or not. You dont see any footnotes here in Balancing Act.
3. The human condition: Reverse adapting
I wouldnt be surprised if the biography of Steve Jobs earned a second Pulitzer Prize for Walter Isaacson. Its an immensely fascinating book about an iconic American figure who will be installed by history in the business Pantheon among Bell, Ford, Edison, Sloan, Drucker, and the Wright Brothers.
The most remarkable aspect of the book for me is that Jobs could be absolutely horrid for prolonged periods. He (literally) stank because of bizarre diets and sanitary habits; berated others mercilessly and obscenely in public; lied and broke promises; often ignored (or at first didnt recognize) his family; and threatened others physically and emotionally.
Yet he forged the most powerful and valuable business entity in the world, and surrounded himself with intensely loyal, high caliber talent. He seemed to always have the consumer in mind and was clearly more dedicated to great products than merely making money.
I believe that Jobs created an environment that suited his particular, idiosyncratic personality. (For example, his board has titular but not real power and he could dismiss his own board members at will.) Many people have pointed out that I actually educate my clients in how I want to work with them, to my great benefit.
This is no small issue or minor trait. The degree to which people can organize their environment and the people in it to behavior most consistently supportive of their own objectives, the more successful and time efficient they are going to be. And this is a prerogative especially available for entrepreneurs and those not working in nine-to-five, hierarchical, organizational environments.
We often put a premium on peoples ability to adapt to the world around them. Im suggesting (and Jobs certainly proves) that a reverse adaptation is extremely powerful, wherein the world around you adapts to you. My guess is that this is what happened with Franklin Roosevelt, Donald Trump, Michael Jordon, Oprah Winfrey, and Gandhi.
Issacson calls Jobss trait reality distortion, in that he simply did not accept what others believed to be empirically true (eg, you cant rewrite a programs code in two weeks), which can also be deadly (eg, he refused to believe the advice about his cancer and put off the initial operation until it was too late to be effective).
Are you constantly dancing to the beat of others needs, or are you playing the music that directs their movement?
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UPCOMING EVENTS
1. Sealing the Deal
May 8: Baglioni Hotel, London, UK
http://summitconsulting.com/seminars/sealing-the-deal.php#RegisterNow
We had over 40 people attend this unique experience in Miami, and there are 25 enrolled for London. We have only five places left. Learn how to run past the tape and close business faster and with more certainty. Too many people reach the buyer, but then lose the connection.
2. The Implementation Workshop
May 22-23: W Hotel, Hoboken, NJ
http://summitconsulting.com/seminars/implementation-workshop-2012-05.php
Alan provides two rare days on implementing projects of all sizes, including reducing labor intensity, overcoming turf battles, using the buyers clout, and avoiding resistance. And see below for a third day on facilitation, a related need. (These programs are in the city where Alan was born, on the Hudson across from New York.)
3. The Facilitation Workshop
May 24: W Hotel, Hoboken, NJ
http://summitconsulting.com/seminars/facilitation-workshop-2012-05.php
Learn from the master how to run a room, whether with six people or sixty. Understand how much more valuable it is to insert your own intellectual capital. Become comfortable in leading others effectively to their destination.
4. The Resolve Event
June 6: Marriott at Los Angeles Airport
http://summitconsulting.com/seminars/Resolve-Event.php
Travel beyond accountability, discipline, and organization to that state where you repeatedly and accurately obtain results, complete projects, and maximize time use. Merely being accountable doesnt result in actions unless you acquire RESOLVE in this one-day, unique event.
5. The Almost Free Workshop
June 7: Marriott at Los Angeles Airport
http://summitconsulting.com/seminars/Almost-Free-Workshop-2012-06.php
We drew over 250 people when this was presented in Boston, and this is the West Coast edition, with 50 people already signed up. For a fee thats almost free, join Alan and a few of his Master Mentors for a day devoted to the fundamentals of business growth, marketing, and higher fees.
6. Thought Leadership Symposium
October 22-24: Ritz-Carlton, Naples, FL
http://summitconsulting.com/seminars/the-thought-leadership-symposium-2012-10.php
Our third annual event, this featuring Margaret Wheatley whose seminal book, Leadership and the New Science, is being re-released at the time of our session. Join us for three days of intense work to help make you the thought leader in your field. Ten places remain. Meals and lodging included.
7. The Super Language Practicum
November 12: Mandarin Oriental Hotel, San Francisco, CA
http://summitconsulting.com/seminars/super-language-practicum.php
Learn how to use powerful, concise language in oral and written communications, including rapid rebuttals, reframing of issues, metaphor, analogy, and examples. Control every subsequent conversation and impress people in email and correspondence. Nothing else like this in the world, only 25 people admitted, 15 seats remain.
8. Million Dollar Consulting® College
December 3-7: Castle Hill Inn, Newport, RI
http://summitconsulting.com/consulting-college/consulting_college_2012-12.php
The only one taking place in 2012 and there are none scheduled for 2013. This is the 18th such offering over the years of a full week of intense work in all aspects of professional services development, from marketing to implementation. Small group, incredible property, includes subsequent mentoring.
And this terrific session authorized by Alan:
9. How to Acquire Clients, Value Based Fees, How to Write A Proposal
October 2, San Francisco Bay area
http://summitconsulting.com/seminars/how-to-acquire-clients-value-based-fees-how-to-write-a-proposal.php
Learn from Linda Popky, who has mastered and applied Alans approaches, the fundamentals of smart professional services business growth. Extensive interaction and wonderful learning from someone who can share her immediate experiences.
4. ONLY READ THIS IF YOU KNOW ME WELL OR YOULL BE NEEDLESSSLY TICKED-OFF DEPARTMENT
Im sitting in the back of the room waiting to be introduced at a business meeting while the hosts are running an icebreaker with the group. They ask people to get up and find a partner whom they havent yet met.
A woman approaches me and says, pleasantly, Ive watched you sitting alone and Ill be happy to partner with you. Im sure our keynote speaker today wouldnt want you sitting here by yourself.
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Your changes in the future will only be the result of conscious choices you make now. If you dont make them, dont expect much progress.
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Groce out to build trusting relationships in Illinois
John Groce is working his way down a checklist.
Illinois new basketball coach has a sheet with names and numbers of high school coaches, many of them in Chicago, and hes diligently calling them as he works to build relationships in the city he understands is critical to his success.
Hospitals, SEIU-UHW Reach Visionary Agreement on Future of Health Care Policy …
OAKLAND, Calif., May 02, 2012 (BUSINESS WIRE) --
The California Hospital Association and SEIU-United Healthcare Workers
West have reached a comprehensive, strategic agreement to jointly take
on the many challenges facing the health care system, including rising
costs, burgeoning levels of chronic disease, and the need to provide the
highest quality of care for the people of California.
Reached after two months of meetings and conversations to discuss issues
of mutual interest, the agreement calls for SEIU-UHW and CHA to work in
good faith, along with other key stakeholders, to find practical
solutions that can replace or improve the current hospital pricing
system and protect the neediest patients by addressing uncompensated
care in hospitals in a manner that accounts for low Medicare and
Medi-Cal payments.
Talks between CHA and SEIU-UHW have focused on establishing a new vision
for health care in California, public policy priorities and
organizational relationships. These discussions have resulted in an
understanding that hospitals and SEIU-UHW embrace many of the same goals
and values, including a commitment to lowering the rate of increase in
health care costs, improving quality and patient safety, improving the
health of both hospital employees and the public, improving the health
status of the population, enhancing productivity, aligning fiscal
incentives to promote cost-effective quality care, reducing chronic
disease, and supporting high-road labor-management relations.
The agreement calls for CHA and SEIU-UHW to develop and advocate public
policies that benefit patients and promote efficiency and
cost-effectiveness, and to work collaboratively on innovative approaches
to addressing the health care workforce shortage, including more
effective use of allied health care workers and professional advancement
opportunities for health care personnel.
CHA also is joining SEIU-UHW in the promotion of a healthier California
by supporting its "Let's Get Healthy California" campaign to reduce
chronic disease and improve the health status of Californians for future
generations.
In a demonstration of good faith in support of this historic agreement,
the proponents will not submit signatures to qualify the charity care
and hospital pricing initiatives for the November 2012 ballot.
We are at a pivotal point in the evolution of health care. The policies
that are adopted during the next few years will determine the course
that health care will take for decades to come. This is a unique time of
opportunity for leadership, collaboration and cooperation. The joint
discussions of SEIU-UHW and CHA are unprecedented and speak to the
importance of the issues facing California and the nation. We firmly
believe that our farsighted and visionary accord is the right thing to
do for patients, health care workers and our society.
Issued Jointly by:
C. Duane Dauner David Regan
President/CEO President
California Hospital Association SEIU-UHW West
SOURCE: SEIU-United Healthcare Workers West & California Hospital Association
California Hospital Association
Jan Emerson-Shea, 916-552-7516
Vice President, External Affairs
or
SEIU-UHW
Steve Trossman, 213-300-1882
Communications Director
Copyright Business Wire 2012
Financial Glossary
Words used in this article:
Canterbury quake puts strain on relationships
- Super ministry could hinder Christchurch rebuild - critics
- Christchurch Cathedral fight given hope
-
Christchurch rebuild unit a stalling tactic - Labour
watch
Canterbury newlyweds and couples in long-term relationships are buckling under earthquake-related pressure, support services say.
Relationship Services clinical leader Pablo Godoy said demand across the board has increased since the February 2011 quake.
We are certainly seeing an increased need for couple work, he said. Theres not one type of relationship were seeing either; its newlyweds, long-standing relationships and everything in between.
Godoy said Canterbury couples who had problems before the quakes had initially stuck together.
But as time goes on the cracks in their relationships are re-emerging and this time they have earthquake-related issues that add another layer of stress.
Quake-hit couples were trying to stay together for financial reasons, he said.
Lifeline this week issued its 2011 figures, which showed 122,400 New Zealanders made calls to the phone counselling service.
Lifeline Christchurch dealt with 10,934 calls last year and had 417 email counselling sessions.
The Christchurch branch was out of action for 11 weeks, and calls from cellphones are not tracked, so the figures are not complete.
Caregiving Relationships program for adult children set
Caregiving Relationships: Conversations on Aging, a program for adult children supporting their aging caregiver parents is set from 5:30-8 pm April 17 at the Jefferson County ISU Extension Office.
Iowa State University Extension and Outreach is ...
Kindle Fire Reviews
The Kindle Fire is less a pastille and more a window into Amazons storefront. The 7-inch slate that shares its DNA with the BlackBerry PlayBook lacks any sawbones features lock up a micro-USB port, headphone jack and speaker. Internally, that 1GHz CPU is paired up with 512MB of RAM and 8GB storage, with no selection exchange for increased size, Bluetooth, 5GHz WiFi or 3G. Performance was handsome contents the companys carousel sandbox, but not attuned to secondary and things became outrageously herky-jerky, above all in the Silk browser, which didnt unexploded up to its name. We establish that there was quantity wed like to transmute to borrow it more of a gainful tablet, but did we bird the point You indubitably had oneliner bought exchange for you in the Holidays and its had three or four months upright capitalize on since then, so what do you think Is it a considerable attendant on your ordinary commute, did it validate victorious our E-Reader of the year superlative and if Jeff Bezos was reading all of your comments in foreknowledge exchange for story two, what would you insist he changes When asked today to how Apple was handling the match from lower-priced tabletsspecifically the Kindle Fire Apple CEO Tim Cook said, effectively, that it isn't a match at all. Which would report like hubris, if the numbers didn't rearwards him up so strongly. While Amazon did shop millions of Kindle Fires matrix quarter, it's favourably unpropitious that they pushed the 15 million iPads Apple did in the despite the fact three months. And Cook doesn't look as if bothered that they'll find up any moment soon: People genuinely after to do multiple things with their tablets, so we don't speak with the narrow charge tablets and ereaders in the despite the fact category I don't think that people who after an iPad want inhabit exchange for a narrow function. In terms of other tablets, matrix year was assumed to be the year of the tablet, and I think most people would jibe consent to it was the year of the iPad exchange for the understudy year in a row. Limited charge doesn't wellfounded mean computer equipment features, either; the Kindle Fire doesn't include a camera, sure, but how numberless pictures include you taken with your iPad 2 lately
Otter to embark on trade trip to China to grow business relationships
BOISE, Idaho Idaho Gov. CL Butch Otter for the second time in a little over two years plans to lead a trade delegation to China, a top importer of the states products.
The governor is a staunch advocate of growing our business relationships with all of our current international trading partners and in cultivating relationships with new ones, Otter spokesman Jon Hanian told the Idaho Statesman (http://bit.ly/HyvYv3 ). That is one of the ways we create more jobs in Idaho.
During the weeklong trip starting Saturday, Otter and a contingent of business representatives will visit Shanghai, Beijing and Chengdu. In 2011, China ranked fifth among the states importers by buying $398 million in goods.
But some of Otters fellow state Republicans are suspicious of China. Last July, the partys central committee passed a resolution stating the stability of our form of government is being undermined by strategies used by the Chinese state-government-controlled entities through investments, corporate takeovers, intelligence operations and rare-Earth monopolization.
Jeff Sayer, director of the Idaho Department of Commerce, said attracting investment isnt the focus of Otters trip this time, but noted that the governor wont turn down investments based solely on where they come from.
Increasing international exports and attracting investment capital remain top priorities for the Department of Commerce, he said. Each of these steps are critical strategies to advance Idahos economy to $60 billion.
The $60 billion represents Otters Project 60, a plan to increase Idahos gross state product to $60 billion while creating job opportunities in the state.
After Otters previous trip to China, 120 Chinese millionaires invested $60 million in gold mines and a McCall resort that was part of a plan for them to get green cards for themselves and family members, but that money remains in escrow.
People are still concerned about the China issue, said Sen. Sheryl Nuxoll, R-Cottonwood, who doesnt want Chinese companies investing in Idaho. They do not share the same principles and values we do.
Otter spokesman Jon Hanian tells the Idaho Statesman that during the weeklong trip starting Saturday Otter will work to grow business relationships with current trading partners and cultivate new ones.
Others dont want Otter going to China at all.
The role of government is to facilitate commerce, not generate it, said Lori Shewmaker, a Meridian member of the Ada County Republican Central Committee.
But Rep. Pete Nielsen, R-Mountain Home, said selling more Idaho goods to China would be good as it would reduce the US trade deficit.
And others are fine with Chinese investment in the state.
If there is a way we can retrieve some of the jobs we have lost, weve got to look at it, said Republican Senate Caucus Chairman Russ Fulcher of Kuna.
Still, Otters webpage devotes a fair amount of space swatting aside what he has called nonsense concerning Chinese investment. One of those topics the governor addresses is about a supposed 50-square-mile, self-sustaining city China would build south of Boise.
Otter notes that federal, state and local laws dont allow a foreign government to acquire a section of American soil to build an autonomous city.
Nobody is a stronger, more consistent defender of our Idaho sovereignty than me, from all threats, whether its a foreign influence or a federal agency here at home, Otter has previously pointed out in attempting to quash the rumor.
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Information from: Idaho Statesman, http://www.idahostatesman.com